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August 2008  

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Movie Quote Roundup 7 -- This Monkey's Gone to Heaven
 mqt_etc - (talmanes)
02:29pm 04/04/2008
Jess Hart posting in The Movie Quotes Tag [and Song Game] community
It keeps on truckin'.

You all know the rules. If not, just read them here.

I am considering taking all of the quotes that haven't been identified by Monday and making them all FREE until Friday. At that point, any quotes left revert back to their original posters (in other words, you're free to ask it again in a future game, if you like), and all quote debts are forgiven. Any thoughts? I want to hear both sides -- people who want a definitive end to the game, and people who want to see it keep going forever.

In the meantime...


A01. You got mad squabbles, boy! (FREE)

A02. Character 1: Rise and shine, professor!
Character 2: You rise! You shine! (FREE)

A03. [after Character 2 drunkenly throws a bowling ball out the window]
Character 1: You could have killed someone!
Character 2: The way I bowl? (FREE)

A04. Character 1: You're aging.
Character 2: You're helping. (FREE)

A05. Gentleman 1: General, you are a Buddhist. Perhaps there is some 'middle way' to solve this problem?
Gentleman 2: Float like leaf on river of life. And kill old lady. (FREE)

A06. Give my regards to oblivion. (FREE)

A07. I made you. I'm in your blood. You don't go anywhere until I let you go. (FREE)

A08. It was mine, that love. I owned it. Even Sarah didn't have the right to take it away. I can love whoever I want. (FREE)

A09. Character 1: I'm a brother shamus!
Character 2: A brother shamus? What... like an Irish Monk? (FREE)

A10. Character 1: You know you're wearing a striped shirt with a striped tie? You know that, right?
Character 2: Yeah, I do it for the ladies.
Character 1: Oh. The ladies ever tell you that you look like a fucking optical illusion? (FREE)

A11. It's a Zen thing, like how many babies fit in a tire. (FREE)

A12. Goodbye. I talked. There. Have I made your fucking day? (FREE)

A13. Somewhere around 25, bizarre becomes immature. (FREE)

A14. I don't scratch my head unless it itches and I don't dance unless I hear some music. I will not be intimidated. That's just the way it is. (FREE)

A15. You don't need proof when ya have instinct! (FREE)

A16. Grandfather: You're at an annoying age.
Grandson: So are you. (FREE)

A17. Character 1: I’ve learned this much -- take what you can, when you can.
Character 2: Then you’ve learned nothing! (FREE)

A18. Character 1: Why did you say that I was a loser?
Character 2: Winners forget they're in a race. They just love to run. You try too hard. (FREE)

A19. Four lefts is a circle, you idiot! (FREE)

A20. It is terrible, terrible for you to rob me in this way of my most treasured feelings! (FREE)

A21. For me, the Internet is just yet another way of being rejected by women. (FREE)

A22. If there's anything I hate more than Baptists, it's Democrats. (FREE)

A23. I really want to play a character like the Terminator. You know, because the Hispanic people are crying out to see a deadly, destructive, killing machine that they can embrace as their own. You know, that they can relate to. (FREE)

A24. Character 1: That's my pen. That's definitely my book.
Character 2: Well taking your book is not a serious injury!
Character 1: Serious injury book is a red book, that book is blue.
Character 2: Well forgive me, I've lost my secret decoder ring! (FREE)

A25. The milk guy's getting paid. The potato chip guy's getting paid. The beer guy's getting paid. Every-fucking-body's getting paid, and you look through me? You fuck! (FREE)

A26. There's a goat over there. Go improve your love life. (FREE)

A27. You're a good grifter, man. It's hard to tell when you're lying. (FREE)

A28. Character 1: I'm your worst nightmare.
Character 2: No, waking up without my penis is my worst nightmare.
Character 3: Okay, all right, so I'm not actually your worst nightmare, but I am right up there! (FREE)

A29. We are all animals, my lady. (FREE)

A30. Character 1: Is this guy crazy?
Character 2: No, but he’s a carrier. (FREE)

A31. Screw'm! Screw'm all! Screw the gov'm'nt! (FREE)

A32. Are you seeing planes? Is your name Tattoo? Because swear to God, you're living on Fantasy Island. (FREE)

A33. If I take my gingko, I can still remember where I put the viagra. (FREE)

A34. My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks. (FREE)

A35. Fuuuck, I can't just let her go. Shiiiiit. [Sort of translated from Japanese] (FREE)

A36. You're on a gravy train with biscuit wheels. (FREE)

A37. We're actors! We're the opposite of people! (FREE)

A38. Don't blow smoke up my ass, it will ruin my autopsy. (FREE)

A39. This is the West. Things are different out here. There’s only one rule -- winner take all. And I intend to take it. (FREE)

A40. I know I’m quite a spectacle, but do your looking later. [Translated from Japanese] (FREE)

A41. Do you find Chief Orman attractive? (FREE)

A42. If this catches on, we can come out with a liquid version: puce juice. (FREE)

A43. My name? If you knew that, you'd be as clever as me.
"Layer Cake", guessed by erispope

A44. Character 1: Do you understand what the Supreme Court is?
Character 2: The place where they finally kill us. (FREE)

A45. Bones it... huh. And you padlock it, and then you put the chain on it. That's a new one, that I'm working on. (FREE)

A46. Yeah, incentives are important. I learned that in rehab. (FREE)

A47. Character 1: Don't be so fast to thank me on this, _____, because you're going to be naked on this one! It's on the line for you! People are going to be watching! Now you blow it, you're going down! You screw up, you're going to be hung out to dry! You drop the ball, you're going to be left twisting in the wind! If you embarrass this department, your pants will be dancing with figs! Is that clear?!
Character 2: Everything except for the pants-figs part. (FREE)

A48. I want what all men want. I just want it more. (FREE)

A49. While you were still learning how to spell your name, I was being trained to conquer galaxies! (FREE)

A50. There was no such thing as society, and even if there was, I most certainly had nothing to do with it. (FREE)

A51. It’s not so difficult, really. Acquiescence. It’s easy, actually. You just... give... in. (FREE)

A52. Son, in 35 years of religious study, I have only come up with two hard incontrovertible facts: there is a God, and I'm not Him. (FREE)

A53. You could print pictures of me wearing nipple rings and butt-fucking Captain Kangaroo! All anyone would wonder was whether the stock was up, or down. (FREE)

A54. Character 1: How do you think the Yankees will do against the Redskins this year?
Character 2: The Yankees are a baseball team. The Redskins are a football team. Personally, I think the Redskins would kick the shit out of them. (FREE)

A55. I am the only free man on this train! And the rest of you are cattle! (FREE)

A56. I thought we might end this evening with a discussion of the soul. All of the greatest religions speak of the soul’s endurance before the end of life. So what then does it mean to die? (FREE)

A57. Character 1: How do you feel?
Character 2: Like the kling klang king of the rim ram room. (FREE)

A58. Listen, man. You're my friend, and I know you care about me. And I know you disapprove, and I respect that. But there are some things that I have to do that you don't understand. You understand literature, movies, wine... but you don't understand my plight. (FREE)

A59. You give me powders, pills, baths, injections, enemas; when all I need is love. (FREE)

A60. Character 1: How do you spell that?
Character 2: Correctly. (FREE)

A61. He marches us towards a solid face of rock. The man has raisins in his braincase. (FREE)

A62. I am a dishwashah! My hands is poimanently puckahed! (FREE)

A63. If you wanted some background information on me, all you had to do was ask -- I'd have gladly volunteered it. You didn't have to play Hercule fucking Poirot! (FREE)

A64. Res ipsa loquitur, tabula in naufragio, we are left with but one option. I agree with, and I cannot believe the words are coming out of me mouth... Captain _____. We must fight. (FREE)

A65. I can't sleep. I can't work. I quit the show. I totally phoned in that Dennis Quaid movie. (FREE)

A66. I've been swimming in raw sewage. I love it! (FREE)

A67. We tried sodium amatol on him three years ago to find where he buried a Princeton student; he gave them a recipe for dip. (FREE)

A68. Sex is like pissing. People take it much too seriously. (FREE)

A69. I once fought two days with an arrow through my testicle. (FREE)

A70. God damn brewery! You know that brewery makes 10,000 bottles of beer a day. I drink 45 of them, and I'm the asshole! (FREE)

A71. I believe if there's any kind of God it wouldn't be in any of us, not you or me but just this little space in between. If there's any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt. (FREE)

A72. Character 1: I'll be in my office, the big one with a view!
Character 2: They all have views, you dumb shit!
Character 1: Not looking this way, cupcake! (FREE)

A73. I really love Rudy. He is totally enamored of me. I mean, I've had other men love me before, but not for six months in a row. (FREE)

A74. Basketball is like poetry in motion, cross the guy to the left, take him back to the right, he's fallin' back, then just J right in his face. Then you look at him and say, "What?" (FREE)

A75. And they love me for the same reason they used to hate me, because I'm the guy who knows everything. (FREE)

A76. I'm as Jewish as fuckin' Tevye. (FREE)

A77. Hey, I'll pay for pizza if you go get it. (FREE)

A78. Lays down... a monster. The fuck did you lay that down?! (FREE)

A79. No. I'm just a struggling Black man trying to keep my dick hard in a cruel and harsh world. (FREE)

A80. Character 1: You couldn't get a handjob from the bridge and tunnel posse.
Character 2: That's because that fuckin' girl had issues with the bathtub and the other thing. Now float me a hundred bucks. (FREE)

A81. Hey, I'm not your father. I'm your friend. (FREE)

A82. Is this the band then? Betcha U2 are shittin' themselves. (FREE)

A83. Character 1: You've changed, you know that?
Character 2: Yes, I suppose I have! How about this: "Peace, love, dope!"? Now get the hell out of here! (FREE)

A84. Character 1: I have seen a world that no man should see!
Character 2: Really? Because for most people it's a rather enjoyable experience. (FREE)

A85. I see you've finally found someone to work with who dresses worse than you do. (FREE)

A86. What can you expect when you're on top? You know? It's like Napoleon. When he was the king, you know, people were just constantly trying to conquer him, you know, in the Roman Empire. So, it's history repeating itself all over again. (FREE)

A87. I am a genius. I am the greatest artist of the twentieth century. I pretty much invented modern art, and I do weird abstract paintings even though I could paint totally realistic if I wanted to. Also, even though I am super short and bald, I am able to have sex with any beautiful woman I want just because I'm so great. (FREE)

A88. I feel like I'm running a small nursery with someone I used to date. (FREE)

A89. "Unacceptable risk of heart failure." I think that's what the manual says. The only trip I'll take in space is around the sun on this satellite right here. (FREE)

A90. For the people who don't do drugs, or just do them occasionally, it's something that becomes your life, and you belong. You finally hit bottom and you know who you are, because you can't go any lower. When you find... a friendship that you wouldn't have found anywhere else. Still and all, there's a kind of intimacy with those that can go the distance. Sometimes you see the world so clearly... and you know just what to do, and just when to do it. Just what you should've done, and when you should've done it. (FREE)

A91. He never even looked her up down there! He was down there closing his deal with the Rice-a-Roni people the whole time! (FREE)

A92. _____, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries. (1 Point)

A93. [Huffing & puffing] It's the African squat fuck. Give you the old nigga squat fuck! (1 Point)

A94. I think all we can aspire to in this situation is a little bit of grace. (1 Point)

A95. Tonight I think I die. (1 Point)

A96. I didn't realize you were an art collector. I thought you just collected corpses. (1 Point)

A97. Captain Newport, sir, I found oysters. They're as thick as my hands. They're the size of stones sir and there's fish everywhere they're flapping against your legs. We're gonna live like kings. (1 Point)

A98. I mean, I'll bet no one ever threw a pie at, like Harriet Tubman, the founder of the Underground Railroad. I'll bet you a million fucking dollars. (1 Point)

A99. I always wondered why the coyote didn't just go out and buy a Road Runner. He had enough money to buy rocket-powered roller-skates so he had money to buy a Road Runner. (1 Point)

A100. Shit. I mean darn. No, I mean shit. (1 Point)

A101. What day is it, anyway? Monday? Huh? The hell it is. It's Sunday. Sunday I always dress for dinner. (1 Point)

A102. You're like a life support system for a cock! (1 Point)

A103. Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing. It still doesn't mean anything. What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters. It's the only thing that counts. (1 Point)

A104. I wonder what she looks like. I bet she's skinny. She probably is. She's skinnier'n me and prettier too. Now I'll hate her. Oh, I can't wait! (1 Point)

A105. Now, in Russia, they got it mapped out so that everyone pulls for everyone else... that's the theory, anyway. But what I know about is Texas, an' down here... you're on your own. (1 Point)

A106. There were wires crossed somewhere in his soul. (1 Point)

A107. Character 1: Are you a believer in astrology?
Character 2: No. But then, I'm a Gemini, and Geminis don't believe in astrology. (1 Point)

A108. My old man used to say to me, probably the only thing we ever really agreed on, was that whoever has the money has the power. You might wanna jot that down in your book. It's something you're gonna need to remember. (1 Point)

A109. There's a lot I could say about this man, but I don't know if it matters now. I guess what matters is what he stood for, what he lived for, and what he died for. You always did everything the way you wanted it. And I didn't understand that, but now I understand. (1 Point)

A110. It's like having two cocks. If one of your cocks could kill someone. (1 Point)

A111. You want the word on that brother-and-sister act, Hansel's a fag and Gretel's got the hots for herself, so who cares, right? Load up on the salami. (1 Point)

A112. How sexy am I now, huh? Flirty boy! How sexy am I now? (1 Point)

A113. It's my professional opinion that you've become a monster. (1 Point)

A114. Shoot him and cut out his tongue, then shoot his tongue! And trim that scraggly beard! (1 Point)

A115. No exaggeration. I could not love a human baby more then I love this brush. (1 Point)

A116. I remember one night. I went with the sheriffs on a warrant raid. This dipshit was selling meth out of his apartment. Just a stop-and-pop. Broke down the door, rousted the guy. I was in one of the back rooms looking for junk when I hear something. I turn around and see these... eyes staring at me from a closet. It was a little girl. A little ten year old girl. Naked. Shaking like a leaf; she was scared to death. Her stepfather was pimping her out for rent. I wrapped her in my coat, carried her out to the squad car. I went back... and I beat that motherfucker half to death. (1 Point)

A117. Character 1: You have done nothing for which you should be ashamed.
Character 2: I have done nothing. And for that I am ashamed. (1 Point)

A118. Character 1: So why do you think I'd let you come with us?
Character 2: 'Cause I'm an American. (1 Point)

A119. Well, it all depends on how you look at it. I mean, you might think that you're more from here than me, for example. But I've been living here longer than you been alive. So who's right? (1 Point)

A120. You Mormons are some brave mother fuckers. (1 Point)

A121. We's only together once. She's afraid of lightning. She came up into the wagon and just cuddled right up to me. She gave me a kind price, too. (1 Point)

A122. This is a cartoon. Not a freakin' Oprah Winfrey special. (1 Point)

A123. Never show anyone. They'll beg you and they'll flatter you for the secret, but as soon as you give it up... you'll be nothing to them. (2 Points)

A124. I never could piss straight. Too much of myself to handle down there. (1 Point)

A125. You've promised people a victory I can't deliver. I don't stand a chance against this man. (1 Point)

A126. Character 1: Why is it every time you talk about a female you gotta say bitch, ho, or hootchie?
Character 2: 'Cause that's what you are. (1 Point)

A127. The Pentecost... I don't... I don't know what the Pentecost is. I guess it means the world ends and guys like you and me march off to Hell. (1 Point)

A128. Character 1: The best time I've had in the last fifteen years was sitting at that piano with you.
Character 2: That's wonderfully sensitive. Especially from a man who wears such tight pants.
Character 1: It forces all the blood to my heart. (1 Point)

A129. Our crusade was such madness that only a real idealist could have thought it up. (1 Point)

A130. I don't think it's nice, you laughin'. You see, my mule don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughin' at him. Now if you apologize, like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it (1 Point)

A131. Character 1: You one crazy old man.
Character 2: You'll get there. (1 Point)

A132. You want chaos? I'm the chaos. You want fear? I'm the fear. You want a new beginning? I'm the new beginning! (1 Point)

A133. Character 1: Wouldn't it be funny if the devil looked just like you?
Character 2: Why don't you come over here! I'll show you what the devil looks like! (1 Point)

A134. I think if Gandhi had to spend a prolonged amount of time with you, he'd end up beating the shit out of you, too. (1 Point)

A135. No, the guy with the rubber glove was surprisingly gentle. (2 Points)

A136. I wrote a hit play and directed it, so I'm not sweating it either. (2 Points)

A137. It's like my mom says, "The weak are always trying to sabotage the strong." (2 Points)

A138. Now, look -- I ain't stalking y'all, but I didn't say I wasn't a wolf. (2 Points)

A139. I have immunity from the Justice Department, and I have immunity from the Risen Jesus. And nobody beats the Riz! (2 Points)

A140. Character 1: You know, the Egyptians used to worship cats.
Character 2: Yeah, along with the dung beetle. (2 Points)

A141. We're both sticking to our guns. The difference is, mine are loaded. (2 Points)

A142. I cannot hear them, but I know they are making a hash of it. What do you think? Music is... a dreadful thing. What is it? I don't understand it. What does it mean? (2 Points)

A143. Look at this, OK? I want you to remember this face. This is the guy behind the guy behind the guy. (2 Points)

A144. She said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak. (2 Points)

A145. Death is... whimsical... today. (2 Points)

A146. People think that Hell is fire and brimstone and the Devil poking you in the butt with a pitchfork, but it's not. Hell is when you should have walked away, but you didn't. (2 Points)

A147. Now I know I'm pretty, but I ain't as pretty as a couple of titties. (2 Points)

A148. What's it going to take to convince you? Me in a body bag? (2 Points)

A149. It never did fit anyway. Guess you gotta get 'em custom made. (2 Points)

A150. You die first, get it? Your friends might get me in a rush, but not before I make your head into a canoe, you understand me? (2 Points)

A151. Nothing is fucked? The god-damn plane has crashed into the mountain! (2 Points)

A152. Soldiers deserve soldiers, Sir. (2 Points)

A153. I'm real. I'm... I'm... mortality as home entertainment? This cannot be the future... can it? Can it?! (2 Points)

A154. A doctor who specializes in skin diseases will dream that he has fallen asleep in front of the television. Later, he will wake up in front of the television, but not remember his dream. (2 Points)

A155. _____, I just want you to know how proud I am that you'll be attending my alma mater and someday following me into the family business. (2 Points)

A156. When the chimes end, pick up your gun. Go ahead and shoot me Colonel. Just try. (2 Points)

A157. You have a clever mind. Think of a solution. And in the meantime you can explain to me, what is an elevator. (2 Points)

A158. This is your fucked-up country, it's your responsibility! (2 Points)

A159. Look, hey -- all of these nuts could just make phone calls, they could spread insanity, oozing through telephone cables, oozing into the ears of all these poor sane people, infecting them. Wackos everywhere, plague of madness. (2 Points)

A160. Father Bobby would have made a good hitman. It's a shame we lost him to the other side. (2 Points)

A161. Character 1: You're going to stay with me and we'll all be rich with the biggest silver strike this side of Hudson Bay. Silver.
Character 2: I thought you wanted gold?
Character 1: I changed my mind! (2 Points)

A162. Character 1: I have to ask you a question. It's a good one so think about it. If two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get it together, when do you get to that point of enough is enough?
Character 2: Never (2 Points)

A163. You never had a rope around your neck. Well, I'm going to tell you something. When that rope starts to pull tight, you can feel the Devil bite your ass. (2 Points)

A164. Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've got their strict attention. (2 Points)


B01. Have the chef whip up a light balsamic vinaigrette. Something that goes well with chrysanthemums. (FREE)

B02. I have bad dreams. Hell, yes. Just look at me, you can tell I have terrible dreams. (FREE)

B03. Shhh... I'm about to defy you. (FREE)

B04. What, and miss you hearing such lovely things? (FREE)

B05. Character 1:Which would you rather eat, a stalk of celery, or a brownie?
Character 2: Is this a trick question? (FREE)

B06. Dutch Apple pie? (FREE)

B07. My balls are freezin'! I never thought I'd say that with a smile on my face. (FREE)

B08. Just because some kid smacks into your wife on the turnpike doesn't make it a crime to be 17 years old. (FREE)

B09. "I want to squeeze you, lick you, pucker up and kiss you"? You make her sound like a lemon! (FREE)

B10. My darling girl, when are you going to realize that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage! (FREEs)

B11. Can I have my hat please? I kinda need my hat. The sun is hot, and I freckle, and not the good way, either. I blotch. (FREE)

B12. I looked for that jacket for two fucking weeks. (FREE)

B13. I'll give you an answer. I'm a man of medicine. I'm expected to save lives and ease suffering. I love people. Therefore, I would have no choice but to kill the son of a bitch. (FREE)


C01. Daddy would have gotten us Uzis. (FREE)

C02. What the hell is this? Is this a 1974 Mercedes 450SL for twenty-four thousand dollars? Well, that's too fucking high! *KABOOM* (FREE)

C03. You're young and you got your health, what you want with a job? (FREE)

C04. God, Jeanie, I don't know how you could even talk to that guy. I mean like, he looks like a... He could hypnotize you like a cobra or something you know, and the next thing you're out on the boulevard and you're dressed like the Pointer Sisters. (FREE)

C05. I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. "Vacation", guessed by talmanes

C06. I'm sure I'd feel much worse if I wasn't under such heavy sedation. (FREE)


D01. Marriage is a concept invented by people who were lucky to make it to 20 without being eaten by dinosaurs. Marriage is obsolete. (FREE)

D02. Character 1: We've been framed.
Character 2: Spence told me you'd say that.
Character 1: Spence is a lying prick with his ass hairs caught in a twist!
Character 2: He told me you'd say that too! (FREE)

D03. Character 1: Ma'am, are you aware that it's against the law to possess animals of a barnyard nature in a residential area?
Character 2: What if you're married to one? (2 Points)

D04. Character 1: You know, I'm thinking this is your "kiss for luck" situation.
Character 2: Thinking. Not your strong point, is it? (2 Points)


E01. Look Morty, do me a favor, okay? Don't call here any more unless you want to have a serious conversation, alright? (FREE)


F01. Right now, as we speak, your daughter has entered a hotbed of moral... turpentine. (FREE)


G01. Midget wanna be tall! (FREE)

G02. Nice as she is, red as her bush is, fuckable as she is, you gotta put the fire out, my friend. Attend to it. Stamp out that Benson and Hedges bitch once and for all. (FREE)

G03. I'm not a concept, Joel, I'm just a fucked-up girl who's looking for my own peace of mind. (FREE)

G04. You're lookin' cool tonight, man. You must know Mickey Rourke, huh? (FREE)

G05. I'm letting myself down by satisfying you. (FREE)

G06. Let the slaughter begin! (FREE)

G07. I'm gonna fill him with my hot demon gel! (FREE)

G08. I also remember a movie your husband made. He shot 12 guys with a 6-shot revolver. I ain't gonna argue with that kind of marksmanship. (FREE)

G09. There's something we gotta get sorted out here. I threatened to rope him behind my horse and drag him, then you waltz in pretty as you please and threaten to kill him. I don't like being out-threatened. (FREE)

G10. Chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp! NANNY! (FREE)

G11. We play the kind of music that your mother hates, and I know that because right now she's naked under the desk swallowing my microphone! She likes that! (FREE)

G12. Once a city of six million people. What has happened here was caused by a force which up until a few days ago was entirely beyond the scope of Man's imagination. (FREE)

G13. I feel almost vulgar in this yuletide context about mentioning the new power plant. But if we're gonna break ground when we've gotta break ground, I'll need permits, variances, tax incentives ... that sort of pesky nonsense. (2 Points)

G14. No tower? Why the hell aren't I notified about these things?! (2 Points)

G15. GI Joe want to find out where the bubbles is comin' from. (2 Points)

G16. It's your fault our baby's dead! Take your shoes off! (2 Points)

G17. You're the first person that I've wanted to tell that to, 'cause your the first person that I've wanted to talk to for more than five minutes... ever. (2 Points)

G18. Should premature ejaculation occur, The Joy of Sex album comes equipped with Big Jim Slade! Big Jim, former tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs, is outfitted with various whips, chains and a sexual appetite that will knock your socks off! Big Jim has satisfied women throughout the world, and the capital of Nebraska is Lincoln! (2 Points)

G19. I was asked to say a couple of words about Harvey. How about "ugly" and "cheap"? Harvey wrote his will on his cock, and his lawyer said it would not stand up in court. (2 Points)

G20. Character 1: I was always careful around Pop. I was a careful child. And I'm a careful adult. But at least I was never afflicted with that man's anger.
Character 2: That's what you think. (2 Points)

G21. Kenny, did I tell you not to touch the grapefruit? (2 Points)


H01. Character 1: Fiji?
Character 2: Think of the beaches!
Character 1: Oh, beautiful - if you like mosquitoes.
Character 2: Think of the sun!
Character 1: It's monsoon season.
Character 2: Oh, then the women.
Character 1: They're cannibals there.
Character 2: Exactly. (FREE)

H02. If I can't have you, can I have my gator? (FREE)

H03. You know, these exercises are fantastic. When the day comes we have to go to war against Utah, we're really going to kick ass, y'know? (FREE)

H04. The least they could do is kill my food before they serve it to me. I do an honest day's work, I want already dead food. (FREE)

H05. Character 1: Why, you speak treason!
Character 2: Fluently. (FREE)

H06. A rebellion is always legal in the first person, such as "our rebellion." It is only in the third person. their rebellion" - that it becomes illegal. (FREE)

H07. Character 1: Sorta wish you hadn't done that.
Character 2: Done what?
Character 1: Divorced me. Makes a fella lose all faith in himself. Gives him a... almost gives him a feeling he wasn't wanted.
Character 2: Oh, now look, junior, that's what divorces are for. (FREE)

H08. Character 1: I've never touched a woman before.
Character 2: You still haven't. That's my corset. (FREE)

H09. To be a good soldier you must love the army. To be a good commander you must be able to order the death of the thing you love. (FREE)

H10. It's the boomerang fish. Guaranteed fresh. I throw the fish A-WAY... and it comes back to me. Get 'em while they're fresh. (FREE)

H11. You don't really mean you'll kill me, do you? (FREE)

H12. My arm, it doesn't hurt anymore. It's healed! Ow! No, still broken. (FREE)

H13. You magnificent bastard, I read your book! "Patton", guessed by erispope

H14. No growth without assistance. No action without reaction. No desire without restraint. (FREE)

H15. We didn't exactly believe your story, we believed your two hundred dollars. I mean you paid us more than if you had been telling us the truth, and enough more to make it alright. (FREE)

H16. Broaden your minds -- have another beer! Have two! (FREE)

H17. Only grown-up men are scared of women. (FREE)

H18. Character 1: A great detective relies on perception, intelligence, and imagination.
Character 2: Where'd you get that rubbish from?
Character 1: It's framed on the wall behind you. (FREE)

H19. Male company will be a pleasant relief in this hothouse of female emotions. (FREE)

H20. Character 1: Why are you telling me all this?
Character 2: It's plot exposition. It has to go somewhere. (FREE)

H21. Character 1: So why the sad face?
Character 2: Job requirement. Happy piano players work the circus. (FREE)

H22. You know, I've always wanted a child. And now I think I'll have one... on toast! (FREE)

H23. You will be the land, and the land will be you. If you fail, the land will perish; as you thrive, the land will blossom. (FREE)

H24. You see that flash of light in the corner of your eye? That's your career dissipation light. It just went into high gear. (FREE)

H25. I noticed the other morning that you didn't order any breakfast. I wasn't sure if that's because you aren't a breakfast eater... or because you thought I was gonna kill you. (FREE)

H26. Character 1: Let me understand. They put up all the money. I do all the work. What, if you don't mind my asking, would you do?
Character 2: I'd make sure it's known the company's in business. I'd see that it had a certain panache. That's what I'm good at. Not the work, not the work... the presentation. (FREE)

H27. Generous deeds should not be checked by cold counsel. (FREE)

H28. Thanks for... spittin' on me. (FREE)

H29. Character 1: I coulda been better. I coulda broke every record in the book.
Character 1: And then?
Character 1: And then? And then when I walked down the street people would've looked and they would've said there goes _____, the best there ever was in this game. (FREE)

H30. Character 1: Oh, I didn't realize you were...
Character 2: What? Tall? Rugged? Handsome?
Character 1: ...Blind.
Character 2: You know, I always forget that one. (FREE)

H31. If I may say... far better than any dream girl is one of flesh and blood. One warm, and caring... and right before your eyes. (FREE)

H32. The years roll by, but a hundred years to a steadfast heart are but a day. (FREE)

H33. I think it's better to break a man's leg than his heart. (FREE)

H34. Shall I, ahem, leave you and the blackboard alone for a moment? (FREE)

H35. It looks like a flamingo threw up in here! (FREE)

H36. My Lord, may I also remind my learned friend that his witness, by her own admission, has already violated so many oaths that I am surprised the Testament did not leap from her hand when she was sworn here today! I doubt if anything is to be gained by questioning you any further! (1 Point)

H37. Mom, I'm a lesbian. But don't tell Daddy. I want to wait for a good time, like Father's Day, or Christmas morning! (FREE)

H38. Character 1: I feel terrible, like there's a millstone on my chest.
Character 2: Yes, a heart is a heavy burden. [Translated from the Japanese] (FREE)

H39. Character 1: You can't put wine in hobo stew!
Character 2: Why not? What goes better with hobos than wine? (FREE)

H40. Character 1: I may be pre-periodic and I may be hysterical. So what?
Character 2: So there are drugs for those things and we make most of them! (FREE)

H41. Aloha, auf Wiedersehen, bon soir, sayonara, and all those good bye things, baby. (1 Point)

H42. Boy, say if you're a friend so I will not die alone. (FREE)

H43. Someday you'll find a man, a good man, and you'll love him, and marry him, and live and die for him. And I'll be hanged if I stand by and watch. (FREE)

H44. Could we just for once die without all this bickering? (FREE)

H45. There's a lot of ugly things in this world, son. I wish I could keep 'em all away from you. That's never possible. (FREE)

H46. They found my kid's wallet buried under a train in Colorado. What the hell was she doing in Colorado? (FREE)

H47. What I am saying to you, is that you are the kind of club-toting, raw-meat-eating, Me-Tarzan-You-Jane-ing big bald bubblehead that can only count to twenty if he's barefoot or wearing sandals. (FREE)

H48. The door that I know will never open... I won't knock on it eternally. [Translated from the Japanese] (FREE)

H49. So, the only man that can have you is one who's trying to kill you. That's logic. (FREE)

H50. Let me do the talking, angel. I don't know yet what I'm going to tell them. It'll be pretty close to the truth. (FREE)

H51. Are you nuts? She clearly prefers gas pump jockeys to millionaires. What do you want to do, disillusion the poor girl? (FREE)

H52. Um, look. Um, if you don't mind, I'd like to plan on remembering you two as if you were my kids. The kids I never had. (1 Point)

H53. I will not wear booties! (1 Point)

H54. Character 1: Sir, with all due respect, that is idiotic.
Character 2: Idiotic? Lemme ask you a question. Are we fugitives from the law?
Character 1: Right.
Character 2: Idiocy is our only option. (1 Point)

H55. The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success. (1 Point)

H56. Character 1: This is an heirloom. It must be worth something.
Character 2: Your heir didn't loom too big. If I gave you fifty, I'd be fired. (1 Point)

H57. Character 1: The human spirit, it is a very difficult thing to kill.
Character 2: Even with a chainsaw! (1 Point)

H58. Character 1: God! Are you trying to kill me?
Character 2: If I was gonna kill you, I'd use my hands. (1 Point)

H59. How are you going to run the universe if you can't answer a few unsolvable problems? Come on, big fella, let's see what you got. (2 Points)

H60. Character 1: Everything that I have to say to you has already crossed your mind.
Character 2: And my answer has no doubt crossed yours. (1 Point)

H61. All of my key employees are my sons. Blood is the best security in this business. (1 Point)

H62. My friend says if you were any more handsome it would be a crime. It's a shame you're such an asshole. (1 Point)

H63. It was a night like any other, when suddenly a knock came at the door. I opened it, and there were these Manchurians, doing a rather festive Carribean dance.... (1 Point)

H64. I sacrificed three years for you. How could you love him after only three days? [translated from the Chinese] (1 Point)

H65. We'll have a better chance when they're sleeping. Come, let us lurk! (1 Point)


I01. Well, I suppose if I had wanted a safe life, I wouldn't have married a man who studies rocks. (FREE)

I02. Regards. That's a fine letter, sir, that's an epic. That's dandy. Now, I want you to make two carbon copies of that letter and throw the original away. And when you get through with that, throw the carbon copies away. Just send a stamp, airmail, that's all. You may go, sir. I may go too. (FREE)

I03. No, he doesn't come to English class anymore. He says England is done for. He's learning Chinese. (FREE)


J01. I fooled you with my inspector! (FREE)

J02. He swears a lot, doesn't he? (FREE)

J03. All right, sonny, that's enough, just pack that in. (FREE)

J04. No, this is my fucking place, mate. (FREE)

J05. Kiss my frontbutt! (FREE)

J06. How awful! We'll never get rid of the damned thing now. (FREE)

J07. When in California be sure to visit beautiful... oh. (FREE)

J08. If he were alive, he'd have stood up by now. (FREE)

J09. Did we miss Baywatch? (FREE)

J10. Christ. The press were already screaming for blood, the last thing we want to do is escalate the situation. (FREE)

J11. They'd have torn your place out from under you in half an hour. (FREE)

J12. Character 1: What do you want?
Character 2: To fight, and...!
Character 3: SHUT UP! (FREE)

J13. There are always... open doors. (FREE)

J14. Of course you're blind, I just fired a blank in your fuckin' face! (FREE)

J15. Who wants us in Moscow? (FREE)

J16. Character 1: What did you tell him?
Character 2: The story. (FREE)

J17. It's like being a plumber. Do your job right, nobody should notice, it's only when you fuck up that everything gets full of shit. (FREE)

J18. Why did you destroy my photographer?! (FREE)

J19. And now he's dead and you're here too. (FREE)

J20. Should I invite who I truly desired, I would find myself without a home, much less a television show. (FREE)

J21. Don't mess with me, you ice-crapping snow-honkies! I just got dumped! (FREE)


J23. The only problem is the map, the map, the map is not the territory. (FREE)

J24. Character 1: How long have I been gone for? Weeks, months?
Character 2: Too long.
Character 1: Years. (FREE)

J25. Where do movies come from if no one produces them? (FREE)

J26. Character 1: That's my shit.
Character 2: What, you need bathroom? I can stop here.... (FREE)

J27. Bye bye, little mouse! (FREE)

J28. Don't forget, kid, we're all in this together. (FREE)

J29. Character 1: You were entered and processed into this facility 15 minutes ago!
Character 2: Then it's not me, you dumb son of a bitch. Check my ID, you've got a mite! (FREE)

J30. This... is not... your... country. (FREE)

J31. They're tearing through people's houses. (FREE)

J32. You've probably seen 'em before yourself and didn't know it. In a train station or at a bar. (FREE)

J33. Oh, so now you're throwing stuff at me. (1 Point)

J34. It tastes very bad, but it is good for you. See? (1 Point)

J35. You gotta tickle its citrus! (1 Point)

J36. This is by far the coolest thing you've ever done! (1 Point)

J37. Do it to _____! Do it to her! (1 Point)

J38. Character 1: Ass-blasters!
Character 2: Sounds like a porno film. (1 Point)

J39. Character 1: Why aren't you at your post?
Character 2: Why aren't you at yours? (1 Point)

J40. I can't fuck no more! (1 Point)

J41. If _____ and _____ agree, he'll sign a full confession right here. (1 Point)

J42. Come an' 'ave a go, if ya think you're 'ard enough! (1 Point)

J43. It was your plan! They followed it implicitly! (1 Point)

J44. It's a sin! It's a sin! (1 Point)

J45. I suppose it didn't occur to you that you might have to bleed to pull off this little coup. (1 Point)

J46. Try three Italian starlets swacked out on benzedrine and Grappa, this is nothing! (2 Points)

J47. I understand you have a monster here? (2 Points)

J48. You see this one? This is you. (2 Points)

J49. Am I crazy, or is ____ hitting on a priest? (2 Points)

J50. Actually, he is deaf, sir. (2 Points)

J51. Christ, ____, you could depress a bride on her wedding day. (2 Points)

J52. Man, that cheap beer really goes right through you. For the first time ever I gotta go to the bathroom. (2 Points)

J53. His body is decaying in my locker. I'm ready to go to jail now. (2 Points)

J54. Give it a break, Sal. You couldn't hit the floor if you fell on it. (2 Points)

J55. I'm a person, not a trout. You have no authority over me. (2 Points)

J56. Looks like he took on Jack the Ripper and came last! (2 Points)

J57. Character 1: Where's Spoon? WHERE'S SPOON?!
Character 2: There is no Spoon! (2 Points)

J58. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think. (2 Points)

J59. Character 1: What happened to his voice?
Character 2: Nothing, _____. Exactly as he was delivered.
Character 1: Delivered? (2 Points)

J60. Hey, _____, here's one that's right up your alley: Crime and Punishment. (2 Points)

J61. Either you're confused about your dress size or there's been some foul play! (2 Points)


K01. Survival of the fittest Max, and we've got the fucking guns! (FREE)

K02. I don't want to be a giant rabbit! (FREE)

K03. The Phooey has just referred to the Jewish people. (FREE)

K04. Character 1: I fought the war for your sort.
Character 2: I bet you're sorry you won. (FREE)

K05. Somebody throw the goddamn bomb! (FREE)

K06. I goddamn near lost my nose. And I like it. I like breathing through it. (FREE)

K07. I always gagged on the silver spoon. (FREE)

K08. Why does everything in my life have to be such a complicated disaster? (FREE)

K09. Audiences don't know somebody sits down and writes a picture; they think the actors make it up as they go along. (FREE)

K10. We are protected by the enormity of your stupidity. (FREE)

K11. We can't call Ripley's Believe it or Not, because they wouldn't believe it. (FREE)

K12. We serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast, and we don't need any characters around to give the joint atmosphere. Is that clear, or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer? (FREE)

K13. My theory on Feds is that they're like mushrooms. Feed 'em shit and keep 'em in the dark. "The Departed", guessed by erispope

K14. How do you explain school to a higher intelligence? (FREE)

K15. It is so difficult to make a neat job of killing people with whom one is not on friendly terms. (FREE)

K16. I never did like the idea of sitting on newspapers. I did it once, and all the headlines came off on my white pants. On the level! It actually happened. Nobody bought a paper that day. They just followed me around over town and read the news on the seat of my pants. (FREE)

K17. What was I supposed to do, call him for cheating better than me? (FREE)

K18. Real diamonds! They must be worth their weight in gold! (FREE)

K19. Now we come to step three. This... drives... most... people... crazy. (FREE)

K20. I've never been alone with a man before, even with my dress on. (FREE)

K21. Nobody commits a murder just for the experiment of committing it. Nobody except us. (FREE)

K22. I don't like violence. I'm a businessman; blood is a big expense. (FREE)

K23. You know if someone came in here, they wouldn't believe what they'd see: You and me with long faces plunged into despair because we find out a man didn't kill his wife. (FREE)

K24. I can't look. Could somebody please cover my eyes? (FREE)

K25. This part you do alone. (FREE)

K26. I know better than to argue romance with a French woman. (FREE)

K27. This cannot be one of those things. This, please, cannot be that. (FREE)

K28. Me and the Kaiser, we are both fighting. The only difference is the Kaiser isn't here. (FREE)

K29. It's go-go, not cry-cry. (FREE)

K30. I settle down with a nice girl every night, then I'm free the next morning. (FREE)

K31. This is the most uncomfortable coffin I've ever been in. (FREE)

K32. I can't lie to you about your chances, but you have my sympathies. (FREE)

K33. Wouldn't it be great if I WAS crazy? Then the world would be okay. (FREE)

K34. Remember, while you're out there risking your life and limb through shot and shell, we'll be in be in here thinking what a sucker you are. (FREE)

K35. Here I was born, and there I died. It was only a moment for you; you took no notice. (FREE)

K36. Character 1: There's nothing to fear here.
Character 2: That's what scares me. (FREE)


L01. [into telephone] The vulgar evangelist, Mrs. Melrose Ape, proudly revealed that her angels were no more than underage adornments on sale to the highest bidder. Meanwhile, tears coursing down her face, the honorable Agatha..., whose repulsive liason with the Prime Minister shocked the nation this week, bewailed her, quote: "Ruined, bogus, vapid, bogus, and worthless life," unquote. [pause] Yes, two boguses. (FREE)

L02. My ice lolly's melted! you must be the Devil! (FREE)

L03. Straight doesn't seem to be good enough! Now it's my turn! I'm going to give you a few seconds before I come. [NOTE: Not from a porno] (2 Points)

L04. Go away! I haven't got time for the living. (2 Points)

L05. Colin, my boy, I want you to use your imagination. You wake up one morning and you ask yourself: [sung] Why am I so exciting? What makes me dramatic? (2 Points)

L06. Come on, now. Don't be naive, Lieutenant. We both know how careers are made. Integrity is something you sell the public. (2 Points)

L07. Character 1: How could it take an hour to find an ambulance?
Character 2: She was already dead, darling. (2 Points)

L08. What would anybody want with a dead, naked butler? (2 Points)


M01. Character 1: How are things in the outer office?
Character 2: My troika was pursued by wolves.
Character 1: It's a good thing this cookie arrived unscathed. (FREE)

M02. You know what they say. Lesbians: better than e-mail. (FREE)

M03. I guess when you combine mass quantities of cough syrup with yodels... you get acid. (2 Points)

M04. There comes a time in the life of all humans when uh... well as they put it... uh, the birds and the bees? Or well... uh... the stork? You know? Uh, no... (2 Points)

M05. Character 1: You saved my life, so you owe me something.
Character 2: Oh, it was I who saved your life, so now I owe you something! Hey look, have you gone crazy?
Character 1: Look, I didn't ask you to save my life, but you did. So now I feel you are responsible for me.
Character 2: Well I don't!
Character 1: Well, what's the good of having a life saved when you can't have any fun with it? (2 Points)

M06. Everyone else: [Silence]
Character 1: Oh shit.
"Star Trek: Generations", guessed by talmanes

M07. Character 1: I'm going to use a pinecone as the baby Jesus this year.
Character 2: And I'm going to attach a pinecone to my vibrator and have a really merry Christmas! (2 Points)

M08. Character 1: You really are an incredibly decent man.
Character 2: I know. It's always been my problem. (2 Points)

M09. Character 1: This pass is for one person.
Character 2: I am only one person. He is a servant. (2 Points)

M10. My nose precedes me by fifteen minutes. (2 Points)

M11. All that is visible must grow beyond itself, and extend into the realm of the invisible. (2 Points)

M12. Character 1: Oh, for Christ's sake, at least lie quickly!
Character 2: I'm trying to! (2 Points)


N01. You know, you were right about me. I don't have any friends and I like it that way. Being lesbian is my sense of security. (FREE)

N02. Heaven and hell are right here, behind every wall, every window, the world behind the world. And we're smack in the middle. (FREE)

N03. You strike me as the kind of guy who’s on the lookout for a head he can knock off with a shovel. (2 Points)

N04. And no matter what they did to build this city up again, for the rest of time, it will be like no one even knew we was ever here. (2 Points)

N05. Character 1: Where are we?
Character 2: The corner of bumfuck and you got a purdy mouth. (2 Points)

N06. There's always some stupid bullshit reason to kill your girlfriend. That's the beauty of it all. Simplicity! Besides, if it gets too complicated, you lose your target audience. "Scream", guessed by talmanes

N07. Hey, this is the police! Move your busted ass vehicle. Move, move, move, move! This is the LAPD. We’ll pop one in your ass. We got guns and shit! (2 Points)

N08. As soon as we left the gallery, our cab caught on fire. Then, she elbowed me in the face. Then, we both threw up. Then, she slammed a car handle into my balls, okay? The entire night was a total disaster. (2 Points)

N09. There’s always a confused soul that thinks that one man can make a difference. And you have to kill him to convince him otherwise. That’s the hassle with democracy. (2 Points)

N10. Calm down? I’m calm. I’m calm. Whoa! Whoa!! I am way too unstable for that bullshit! Stop all the goddamn movement! Everybody stop moving. (2 Points)

N11. I just got a weird feeling something bad is heading my way. Like when you see an Asian person behind the wheel of a car. (2 Points)


O01. "I knew I should cause a sensation" said the rocket... and he went out. (FREE)

O02. You have a serious problem of distorting reality. You could sleep with the entire planet and still feel rejected. (FREE)

O03. Character 1: Boys your story touches me in ways. But if I find out that you're lying, there will be repercussions.
Character 2: Cops?
Character 1: Fuck the cops, and their height requirements. I'll come after you myself. You'll wish I called the cops. (FREE)

O04. A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both get pissed. The giraffe falls over. The man goes to leave and the bartender says, "Oy! You can't leave that lyin' there." And the man says, "No. It's not a lion. It's a giraffe." (FREE)

O05. Because I'm stronger then faith. Stronger then all of your knowledge. [Pause] I am strong. Stronger then the passage of time. (FREE)

O06. You tied me to an operating table, forced Uncle Ernesto to go at my throat with a scalpel. That was funny! [Pause] Untie me, I wanna give you a big hug. (FREE)

O07. Don't be afraid. I'll move back over here. I'll open the doors. I'm going to die. Two weeks, maybe three. My body is breaking down. I bleed. I don't heal anymore. I need blood. I need the love that's in your blood. What you're feeling about me right now. (FREE)

O08. Deeper... deeper... deeper... deeper.... [Translated] (1 Point)

O09. Technology gets better everyday. That's fine. But most of the time all you need is a stick of gum, a pocket knife and a smile. (1 Point)

O10. I dreamed I tore all the skin off my face and was somebody else underneath. (1 Point)

O11. We were up at "the top of the world" and we saw this shooting star and we decided to go look for it. But instead of finding the shooting star we saw this... this circus tent. (1 Point)

O12. Once he even tried to ravish me... disguised as a cuttlefish. (2 Points)

O13. Second shelf is mine. That's where I keep my rootbeers and my double-thick Oreo cookies. Nobody touches the second shelf but me! (2 Points)

O14. Coffee break? Rabbits don't get no coffee break!...Dadddddyyyyy!!! (2 Points)

O15. What was I gonna do? Take away your only hope? Take away the very thing that kept you going in there? I took the liberty of bullshitting you. (2 Points)

O16. I fornicated in front of the Mayor! (2 Points)

O17. I once traveled with a guide who was taking me to Faya. He didn't speak for nine hours. At the end of it he pointed to the horizon and said, "Faya!" That was a good day. (2 Points)

O18. Character 1: I didn't know you knew Karate.
Character 2: I don't. That was ballet. (2 Points)

O19. Character 1: Wait a minute. You aren't seriously suggesting that if I get through the wire... and case everything out there... and don't get picked up... to turn myself in and get thrown back in the cooler for a couple of months so you can get the information you need?
Character 2: Yes. (2 Points)

O20. You better take real good care of me. Nothing, nothing better happen to one hair on my gorgeous head. Can you dig it? (2 Points)

O21. She said nothing but death could keep her from me. She must be dead. (2 Points)

O22. Brilliant gold taps, virginal white marble, a seat carved from ebony, a cistern full of chanel number five, and a flunky handing me pieces of raw silk toilet roll. But under the circumstances I'll settle for anywhere. "Trainspotting", guessed by erispope

O23. That's no fair! They've got rocks and all we've got is machine guns! (2 Points)

O24. I got kicked out of university after delivering a brilliant lecture on the aggressive influence of German philosophy on rock and roll entitled "You, Kant, Always Get What You Want". (2 Points)

O25. Are you guys mentally challenged? Because, if you are, then I'm certified to teach you baseball. (2 Points)

O26. Dear Sir Unseen, I know my music and I am willing to bet you ten times whatever pathetic price you paid to get in this place that the dog's tail is 'waggely.' Now I want to hear you bark. (2 Points)

O27. A handful of people on a leaky boat are going to save the world? (2 Points)

O28. Chiretta good for blood. Ginseng good for respiration. Crocodile to cure arthritis. Lizard for poison. Tin-si for... Tin-si for... [Translated] (2 Points)

O29. Character 1: First he swimmms...and then he jumps!...then he swimmms...and then he jumps!
Character 2: Next time he jumps lemme know, I'll shoot him (2 Points)

O30. Character 1: I only ask that you keep an open mind.
Character 2: Nothing is going up my ass tonight. (2 Points)

Currently Sporting IOUs:

colubra owes 3
crash_in2_me_87 owes 22
dkphoenix owes 60
erispope owes -2
fax_celestis owes 9
filmbuff owes 57
fmh owes 77
indigoskynet owes 12
itsaslashything owes 12
joiedecombat owes 114
jtersesk owes 2
lair_of_fenrir owes 61
lightning_rose owes 23
merlynn owes 12
persephoneflame owes 2
talmanes owes 46


MODERATOR NOTE FOR MONDAY, 4/7: The update of the quotes will be seriously delayed for a number of very stupid reasons. I will not be able to handle it until I get home this evening.
mood: sicksick
music: Cat Power, "He War"
    Post - Read 37 - Share - Link

(no subject)
11:14pm 04/04/2008 (UTC)
Idealist Trapped in a Cynical World
I like the idea of a Stumpers Hall of Fame.

And looking over the debt count lists, I think we should consider some way of capping quotes owed because 114?!! Aieyaie!

I do like the idea of a game going say, 2 weeks and leaving any debts or stumped ones as the startup for the new game. That will also keep the level of (we're not worthy!) incredible work you do managing the quote pile down.
    Reply - Thread - Link
(no subject)
11:41pm 04/04/2008 (UTC)
Jess Hart: Moon Phases
All worth considering, most certainly. Having a Hall of Fame could be pretty cool.
picword: Moon Phases
    Reply - Parent - Thread - Link
(no subject)
12:42am 06/04/2008 (UTC)
I think a Hall of Fame would be great, and perhaps answering one of the quotes within (thereby removing it from the HoF) would perhaps do something special?
    Reply - Parent - Thread - Link
Opening Volley
11:36pm 04/04/2008 (UTC)
Jess Hart: Phoenix Icon
B12 -- Planet Terror
G13 -- It's a Wonderful Life?
H57 -- the Addams Family?
J11 -- Tremors, or one of its sequels (let me know if I have to specify)
J31 -- also Tremors (see J11)
J38 -- also Tremors (see J11)
J53 -- Stand and Deliver?
J58 -- Caddyshack
K24 -- Toy Story (maybe Toy Story 2?)
K29 -- Planet Terror
L06 -- LA Confidential
M06 -- Star Trek: Generations
M07 -- Running with Scissors
N06 -- Scream (I was really close last time!)
picword: Phoenix Icon
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Re: Opening Volley
12:49am 05/04/2008 (UTC)
M06 is correct, M07 is not.
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Re: Opening Volley
12:51am 05/04/2008 (UTC)
Jess Hart: Changeling Butterfly
Thanks for the confirmation!
picword: Changeling Butterfly
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Re: Opening Volley
02:21am 05/04/2008 (UTC)
yep! N06. is right :) the first time you guessed I actually had to think for a while if that was one of the quotes that got repeated in one of the sequels. randy got all the best lines in that movie.
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Re: Opening Volley
08:16pm 05/04/2008 (UTC)
Jess Hart: Dogula
I'd originally thought it was said during the discussion of sequels in the second film, but when you told me that was wrong, I thought about it and realized it was in the first movie.
picword: Dogula
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Re: Opening Volley
11:23pm 05/04/2008 (UTC)
Flusterbunny: Cy-Kill Macbeth
G-13 is incorrect.
picword: Cy-Kill Macbeth
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Re: Opening Volley
01:49am 07/04/2008 (UTC)
The Wolf
J11 is correct.
J31 is wrong.
J38 requires more specificity.
J53 is correct.
J58 is also correct.
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Re: Opening Volley
03:46am 07/04/2008 (UTC)
Jess Hart
Then J38 is either Tremors 2 or Tremors 3. I've seen both on late night cable, and very little about either of them stands out to me. I think this is from the one where they flew.
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Re: Opening Volley
04:25am 07/04/2008 (UTC)
The Wolf
Close enough. Tremors 3.
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Re: Opening Volley
04:25am 07/04/2008 (UTC)
Jess Hart: Moon Phases
If it's good enough for you, it's definitely good enough for me.
picword: Moon Phases
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(no subject)
03:02am 05/04/2008 (UTC)
Panzerbjornin: BeeTrooper
022 is Trainspotting.
picword: BeeTrooper
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(no subject)
03:04am 05/04/2008 (UTC)
And K13 Is The Departed
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(no subject)
03:41am 05/04/2008 (UTC)
And H13 is Patton.
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(no subject)
08:21pm 05/04/2008 (UTC)
Jess Hart
H13 correct for FREE
K13 correct for FREE
O22 correct for 2

Well done.
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(no subject)
07:52am 05/04/2008 (UTC)
Flusterbunny: bullshit kid
I already gave my 15. I owe none! I believe.
picword: bullshit kid
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(no subject)
08:21pm 05/04/2008 (UTC)
Jess Hart: Jack -- Haggard
I'll take your word for it and assumed I forgot to cut out your quotes.
picword: Jack -- Haggard
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(no subject)
05:16pm 05/04/2008 (UTC)
Midnight Son: Crazy Bugs
How many do I owe now? It must be getting pretty up th..HOPPED UP CHRIST INNA REHAB CLINIC!! I may have to ask the wifes help for this.

Edited at 2008-04-05 05:17 pm (UTC)
picword: Crazy Bugs
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(no subject)
08:22pm 05/04/2008 (UTC)
Jess Hart: Crane Mask
Yep. 77. That's totally correct. Go ask for help, review your Netflix rental list, scour the IMDb pages of your favorite actors... that sort of thing.
picword: Crane Mask
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Draining the Debt Pool
09:41pm 05/04/2008 (UTC)
Jess Hart: Satchel Fashion
A165. If I was anywhere near a cat, I'd be sneezing my brains out. You see, I'm allergic to KAAAH!... I'm allergic to KAAY!... I'm allergic to... [fits of sneezes]

A166. I'm gonna go have a smoke right now. You want a smoke? You don't smoke, do ya, right? What are ya, one of those fitness freaks, huh? Go fuck yourself.

A167. Gentlemen, practice these words in front of the mirror: Although we are constantly exploring the subject, currently there is no direct evidence that links cell phone usage to brain cancer.

A168. I mean, seriously, Asia? You framed an Asia poster? How hard did the people at the frame store laugh when you brought this in?

A169. Character 1: Take whatever advice that she gives you with a big grain of salt.
Character 2: Yeah and take anything that he gives you with a shot of penicillin.

A170. We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.

A171. Character 1: Those are skin tight. How do you get into those pants, baby?
Character 2: You can start by buying me a drink.

A172. Character 1: In Europe, it's not considered unusual for three of four men to share a bed.
Character 2: That's why I'm proud to be an American.

A173. We're in the darkest region of the human brain, a radiant abyss where men go to find themselves.

A174. Now listen to me, you little Harvard turd. _____ is all right, so he's walking out of here with everything he's got coming to him. If you so much as touch one fucking hair on his fucking head, I'm gonna fucking wallpaper this fucking bathroom with your fucking ass, do you understand me? Muted tones, isn't that what you said, huh? Huh? I can't hear you. Wait, wait a minute. There it is. Blended in, at a subsonic level, like some kind of mantra: "Pain, pain, pain."

A175. Character 1: Would you be willing to cut your hair?
Character 2: Well, yeah, but it would probably be better if someone else did it. I've had a few... accidents.

A176. I'm the ultimate Latin Lover. There ain't no Latin Lover like me.

A177. And we turn him into an anecdote, with no teeth, and a punchline you'll tell for years to come: "Oh, that reminds me of the time the imposter came into our house." "Oh! Tell the one about that boy." And we become these human jukeboxes spitting out these anecdotes to dine out on like we're doing right now. Well I will not turn him into an anecdote, it was an experience. How do we hold onto the experience?

A178. Character 1: Your honor...
Character 2: Shut up! [Long Pause] I'm serious. I want you to shut up Mr. Fallon. This is not going well for you, you hear me? Shut up.
Character 1: Yes... shut up.

A179. Loser takes a paddle up the ass.

A180. Either you are in each other's confidence and have secret affairs to discuss, or you are conscious that your figures appear to the greatest advantage by walking. If the first, I should get in your way. If the second, I can admire you much better from here.

Edited at 2008-04-05 09:44 pm (UTC)
picword: Satchel Fashion
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Re: Draining the Debt Pool
10:48pm 05/04/2008 (UTC)
A171 is Austin Powers?

A180 is Pride and Prejudice. (waves goodbye to his masculinity)
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Re: Draining the Debt Pool
10:48pm 05/04/2008 (UTC)
Jess Hart: Eleventh Rule of Fight Club
A171 is close, but not quite.

A180 is correct for 3.
picword: Eleventh Rule of Fight Club
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Re: Draining the Debt Pool
12:43am 06/04/2008 (UTC)
Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me, then.
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Re: Draining the Debt Pool
08:38pm 06/04/2008 (UTC)
Jess Hart: Changeling Butterfly
That's the answer I was looking for.
picword: Changeling Butterfly
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(no subject)
11:00pm 05/04/2008 (UTC)
Joie de Combat
Have had really stupid week. Chances of continuing to be stupid for a while longer are high. Have not forgotten enormous quote debt!

Also I am pretty much equally okay with clearing the slate and starting over vs. maintaining a wall o' fame, so I am clearly no help at all.
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(no subject)
11:00pm 05/04/2008 (UTC)
Jess Hart: Zombie Jackpot
At least you're honest. ;)
picword: Zombie Jackpot
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(no subject)
04:06am 06/04/2008 (UTC)
A43 is Layer Cake
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(no subject)
08:40pm 06/04/2008 (UTC)
Jess Hart: Fire Kanji
picword: Fire Kanji
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(no subject)
04:10am 06/04/2008 (UTC)
P1 One more word and I shall have you killed.

P2 What's the color of the boathouse at Hereford?

P3 Do you even know why you're supposed to kill me?

P2 You're in a big puddle of shit, ____, and you haven't got the shoes for it.

P3 Well, why don't you go upstairs and book a conference room? Maybe you can talk him to death.

P4 I need a normal gun for a normal person.

P5 One of them's half-mad, and the other wholly unscrupulous.

P6 I was gonna make espresso.

P7 I was told you were a serious son of a bitch with no sense of humor, there can't be two of you.

P8 That must be a proverb from the Urals, it makes no sense to me.

P9 Not that I mind a slight case of abduction now and then, but I have tickets for the theater this evening, to a show I was looking forward to and I get, well, kind of unreasonable about things like that.

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(no subject)
08:48pm 06/04/2008 (UTC)
Jess Hart: Fight Club Soap -- Fist Soap
Thanks for assigning yourself the letter P (it's what I would have done); unfortunately, it looks like you screwed up your numbering a bit, going 1 2 3 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9. You're 2 over your debt, which isn't really a problem.

P2 (the first) is Ronin
P4 could be Layer Cake
P6 could be Beverly Hills Cop
picword: Fight Club Soap -- Fist Soap
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(no subject)
09:17pm 06/04/2008 (UTC)
Panzerbjornin: BeeTrooper
You guessed P2 correctly. Alas, misses on the other two.
picword: BeeTrooper
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(no subject)
01:49am 07/04/2008 (UTC)
The Wolf
P6 is Young Frankenstein.
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(no subject)
02:26am 08/04/2008 (UTC)
Panzerbjornin: Awesomandalorian
picword: Awesomandalorian
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(no subject)
02:11am 07/04/2008 (UTC)
The Wolf
J62 - We lost a man, (character name). Want us to carve his fuckin' name on your chest?

J63 - El ultimo hombre, the last man standing, there had to be one.

J64 - Eight there are here, yet nine there were.

J65 - That's true for every day except one - the day you die.

J66 - Gimme the fuckin' shooter!

I'm in favor of a short break so I can watch some more movies or something. I'm using movies I saw once thirteen years ago because I'm running out of ones I haven't already quoted three or four times.
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(no subject)
04:01am 07/04/2008 (UTC)
Jess Hart: Elijah Snow -- Kick
J63 is No Country for Old Men. It's making me think I should put up a short list of overused films, because I think we've collectively used it about 10 times now. ;)

J64 is the Fellowship of the Ring

J66 is Snatch (and it's "Give me that fuckin' shooter!" -- I don't mean to be pedantic, but tiny stuff like that makes my moderating job tough when I have to field other people's quotes).
picword: Elijah Snow -- Kick
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